april signals your two-year anniversary in this country, in this company, in this strange set of conditions for existence that you call your life now.
how do you feel about it? (and be honest please; there is literally no one to judge you here. thank god you are just one inconsequential speck of virtual dust in the ever-expanding blogosphere.)
frankly, you're a little dead on the inside, aren't you? i can see it in how you struggle with small talk. it's not because you are anti-social, as your almost daily companion has pointed out time and again (although, admit it, you do have such tendencies). it's because you've been here for two years and it appears that you have not progressed BEYOND small talk. it frustrates you, i know, even if you have learned how to stick to safe subjects, have become less abrasive and opinionated, quieter and more reserved than you were before (and to think that i had thought that was impossible). there's nothing to be ashamed of about those things, of course. you adapt however you can. just remember though that there is life after all of this. and i'm afraid you've made your mind duller than you would want to, made comprises which possibly have effects you still don't know the full extent of.
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still, you can't really complain. be grateful for your health (you can still freaking run for 1 hour! good for you!). recognize that this job has given you a degree of financial freedom and a savings capacity that you could not have gotten in your country as a mere english major. you have acquaintances/friends. you have your family on skype almost everyday.
you have to get out of this sense-deadening funk you are on!
the first step, i think, is to find a friend who you actually have something in common with.
now you got the rest of the week to overthink about these things.
